Saturday, December 02, 2006

stupid pictures

Sometimes when I can't sleep and I'm afraid I'll have bad dreams I'll flip through a photo album or two. Pictures of myself when I was small, with my grandparents who were young and didn't smoke as much...and my mom who was younger, and not as hard. I pick the albums that I know only have happy pictures inside, much the same way I pick the side of my brain that only has happy memories.

One stupid picture.
When I saw it, my face got hot and my body got cold and it felt like I had Pop Rocks in my veins. Whizzing through me, fizzling their way towards my heart. And then I laughed.

My uncle. The coolest person I've ever known in my life.
He was the only one in the family that was like me. I know you don't know my family but...sometimes I think fun is not in their vocabulary. No fun, no mistakes, no crying. Suck it up an join the Marines. I love them but they can be such hardasses sometimes. My uncle and I were the only outwardly insecure and emotional members of the family...and now that he's gone all that is left is me.

The picture is of a recliner that has tipped over with us in it.
Did I say recliner? I meant rocketship.

There was this commercial when I was younger that had rocket noises in it, and everytime it came on and I was sitting in his lap, he would put his hands behind my knees, lift me up a little, and lean back in the recliner as far as he could without tipping it over...all the while making more rocket noises ("mine are cooler" he would say).
One day, I guess he leaned back too far.
We weren't hurt, in fact, we both thought it was the funniest thing that had ever happened in our lives...well, it probably was for me since I was like four.
My grandma yelled at my mom for taking the picture instead of helping us up...and then she yelled at us, of course, and told us to never do "that stupid spaceship thing" ever again.

Did we listen?
We never did.


It's been a couple of years since he died, but I'm still not used the fact that he's not going to randomly show up one day to ask if he can crash on our couch for a few days.
I've never missed anyone this bad before.

Will I ever get over this?
Stupid picture.

2 comments:

Nick Belardes said...

The only people in my family like me are my kids...

Keely Van Brocklin Emery said...

I still miss the loved ones I've lost...I think that's one of the reasons I love photographs so much. The memories keep me company even if they can't. I have a similar story involving a sleeper sofa. It's still one of my funniest moments. :)
Oh, and I've finally posted.