Friday, June 26, 2009

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson

He was hounded, misunderstood, and hated by some in life...not much has changed since his death.

I feel bad for the man because it seems like all he wanted in life was to entertain people. I understand that feeling, and I am so sad that things got so complicated for him while he was pursuing his dream. I can't imagine living my life with so many people watching my every move and turning every misstep into front page news.
We will never know the truth about the accusations made against him, but that doesn't really matter now. The world has lost an immensely talented artist, and even more tragic, three innocent children have lost their father.

I hope he gets the peace in death that he never had in life.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

how i spent my 2009 so far AKA catch up time

january -- quit at walmart. tired of all the crap. tired of not being able to spend time with my son. tired, period.

february --
started what i thought was a really heavy period. put off going to the doctor because i was literally too tired to get dressed and go. after paleness and lightheadedness began, i was persuaded by my fiance to go to my gyno. after a few blood tests, i was told without emergency treatment i would bleed to death. after a D&C, four days in intensive care and a painful bone marrow aspirate, i was diagnosed with leukemia and sent to UAMS in little rock arkansas for monitored inpatient care and chemotherapy.
my family visited me as much as they could, but being away from them, especially my son, was the worst.

march --
after several chemotherapy treatments, i started to experience double vision. i was sent to an eye doctor who told me there was swelling present behind my left eye. around this time i started having really bad headaches.
one night, as i was settling in for the night, i had a stroke and seizure due to excess fluid putting pressure on my brain. they sent me downstairs for a cat scan, and while i was waiting, i had another seizure. they called my family ("just in case") and my fiance came to be with me. later that night, i had another seizure. it takes about two weeks, but i finally regained the use of my right arm, and my speech started to go back to normal.
this is also the month that my hair started falling out and i just decided to shave it and get it over with. my fiance kept his promise and shaved his head with me.

in the beginning of the month, i had surgery to place a shunt in my head to drain the fluid off of my brain. i was initially very hesitant to have the surgery, but once i was told that the next stroke i had could very well be fatal, i decided to just man up and get it done. i was terrified that i would die on the operating table but, obviously, i came out of it fine. i have scars in my scalp that are now covered with hair, and a big on my stomach which fits in nicely with all the stretch marks i got while pregnant.
two days after surgery, i am cleared to go home, after almost two months of living in the cancer ward of UAMS.
this is also the month that my five weeks of chemo started.

didn't do much but go to, and finish up chemo in may. started feeling a little bit better and getting back into the swing of things. then at the end of the month, i was admitted to the hospital again and diagnosed with pulmonary embolism, probably a side effect of being off my feet for so long after surgery. after a few days at my local hospital, i was transferred to UAMS again and spent about a week there. i missed andrew's birthday due to being in the hospital for the second year in a row. i hope i don't miss next year!

so far, june has been the least sucky month of the year. my 23rd birthday (june 15th) passed by without a hitch, and i even got to have not one, but TWO birthday lunches. we have been celebrating all week, because we realize that i am lucky to be alive with all the shit that has happened to me this year. i am still making it through ok, sometimes i get tired and run down but in general, i'm feeling good.

now i'm all caught up with my blog.
feels good to talk about all that crap i went through, a weight has been lifted!