Mornings

I climbed back into the house through the bedroom window, dreading having to tell my mother where I'd been. I stepped wrong, bringing my foot down on her legs.
"Watch where you're going!" she grumbled, without moving "We are talking about this tomorrow you know."
That is one of the things I hated about our apartment. When we were close it was great, being that there was only one bedroom, one bed, but we were never close that often. Her husband made sure we hated each other and that I was the odd one out. He can say that's not how it was but I know better than that.
Anyway...all I wanted was my own bed.
I think that's one thing everyone deserves. Their own bed to go to when they're sick, when they're fed up, when they want to be alone. When I made her mad or when she made me mad, there was never anywhere to go, I couldn't even dream in peace.
All that night I tossed and turned wondering what she was gonna say, who she was gonna keep me from seeing, where she was going to keep me from going. I dreamed about locks, and chains.
I woke up very early, right when the clock struck five, grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste and climbed back out the window to catch the bus to school. I could have used the front door,but he was there, awake and waiting.
I sat in the back of the bus, and tried to cover my face. My eyes were still bloodshot and throbbing, my lips felt dry, ready to fall right off. I always told myself that I wasn't going to do it anymore, that I was gonna quit, and cold turkey too. I was brave enough, I was ready enough. but everytime I tried, he was there with more.
No one was on campus when I got there at five thirty, but the sun was coming up a little. I found the highest hill on the field we never used for sports and sat down to watch. I never do that anymore, I'm never up that early. Sometimes I miss it, but nowadays there's not many things I care to do by myself. Not like that, it's not the same.
I watched the sun inch it's way into the new day, changing the sky from black, to gray, pink, red, light blue. Not one cloud in the sky that I could see...the higher it rose in the sky, the more I felt triumphant. It rose and rose until it found it's place, the best thing about the sky. It was what I wanted to be. The best, the brightest. I somehow got it into my head that as long as Iwas up to see it I had won.
It perched itself in the blue, and I started to lose the energy I woke up with. My legs stopped waggling, my hands stopped shaking, and I could hear someone coming from behind me.
Some kid. I guess I wasn't who they thought I was...they turned and scampered off, looking embarrassed. I checked my watch.

Seven thirty. The library was open.
If they still had "Howl" it would be a good day.