Rosary

The rosary is cold, shocking my hand as it lays in my palm like little pieces of blessed ice.

"Heavenly Father, I can take care of myself you know. You really shouldn't waste your time. You know I'm just gonna do what I wanna do. You can't stop me. Well, yes you can but you shouldn't...I want to live my life.
MY LIFE.
I want to live it how I want to and I don't care what it says in your damn...forgive me Father, darn book. You didn't even write that book did you?"

Father Callahan raises an eyebrow as he passes me, totally sure I'm doing something or saying something that I shouldn't.

"Why'd you make me Catholic anyway? Don't you know how hard it is to try and follow all these rules? No french kissing? And no fornicating?! I do that all the time!
So I'm going to hell for puttin' my tongue in someone else's mouth. That's like the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. I hope you know you're gonna be lonely up there...you won't be seein' me or any of my family. See you made a mistake in makin' us Catholic 'cause you also made us Irish. We can't help but sin! We get so damn...sorry Father, darn excited we just can't help it, either that or we get drunk, and well...you know what happens next."

Some sister passes. Which one I don't know...they all look the same to me. She must know I'm not Hail Mary-ing.
I always lose count.

"...and speaking of my family, why me? I mean, they're not that bad I guess but come on! They're all insane. At least you didn't make me as crazy as you made all of them. And also, speaking of drunk...my dad. What's with him and the booze? Can't you do something about that?I guess he can't die from it but it makes him such an asshole. Oops, sorry again Father. It makes him unpleasant. You should have given me more patience if you wanted me to deal with these people for the rest of my life. But I guess that goes back to the makin' me Irish thing."

I shift, my knees crying out for mercy
"And what the hell were you thinkin' giving me bad knees?!"
Another twinge, worse this time.
"Are you even listening? Are you even there?"

My rosary hasn't warmed.