My best friend is moving in a month or so and I am terrified that I won't be able to function without him. I'm terrified of being alone. This is like fourth grade all over again.
Before I go any further, let me graph this out for you:
He is moving to Georgia, which is literally ALL THE WAY on the other freakin' side of the country. Without me. I tried to talk him into taking me because I'm a pretty good tag along, but it's just one of those things he has to do by himself. A rite of passage. Blah blah bah. It's a man thing I guess, because I can't imagine going all that way by myself...just me and my stuff in a car.
He tells me this, and I am fine. Pissed that I have to stay in Bakersfield but generally understanding the choice he made since I know how he is. Trust me, I know all about those "I don't know why I have to do it that way but I just HAVE to" things. I definitely understand.
What I don't understand, however, is why I felt the need to go into the dramatics of "I'll never see you again! You hate me don't you? You're just trying to get rid of me! You can't claim the entire state of Georgia...I will move there if I want to!!!"
How could I say all that out loud when I know that's not what I was thinking? How could I accuse him of hating me when I know how close we are? And without crying? I swear I don't know myself sometimes.
Being the person that he is though, he was ready for it and assured me he didn't hate me, in fact he's quite fond of me and he hopes I DO at some point move to Georgia so we can hang out like we do now.
And then he said:
"I guess we're just very different kinds of people. You're emotional and needy, and I'm emotionally retarded."
THAT'S when I started crying.
"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?! I'M NOT NEEDY, I JUST DON'T LIKE BEING BY MYSELF EVER AND I NEED YOU TO STAY HERE SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE!"
Truth hurt much?
It's not entirely untrue, in fact, it's not untrue at all. I think that as it applies to our relationship I absolutely am annoyingly needy.
As sick as it sounds, considering the fact that I have sex with this friend on a regular basis, at times I see him as a father figure, and catch myself over-reaching for his approval.
In fact, today (his first day back after being gone for two weeks) I probably uttered the phrase "aren't you proud of me?" like, fifty times.
And that is why he's my best friend.
He deserves sainthood for putting up with my shit for the past however many months we've known each other.
I'm gonna miss that fucker...
and he better have his shit together when I get there so I can crash on his couch!
2 days ago