being lazy and loving food don't go well together, as my increase in dress size has shown me recently. so, i've been taking long walks around my neighborhood whether i want to or not, and believe me i'm leaning more towards not.
it's an ordeal though.
i have to load my mp3 player with songs that i won't get bored of, and then i actually have to leave my computer and haul my fat ass outside. this step alone could take almost an hour. song selection is important you guys!
then, i have to make it down my driveway. doesn't seem like a big deal right? well, considering the fact that i live in the country where leash laws don't apply and everyone and their mom has a farm dog or seven, it's actually the most nerve wracking element of the walks. i KNOW the dogs aren't going to bite me. logic tells me most of them are old and would only advance on me if i were wielding a machete threatening to kill their owners...but i still break out in a cold sweat everytime one of them follows me down the path. i just know they're going to go all Cujo on my ass and rip me to bits.
of course, they don't.
so once i'm down the drive i have two options: keep going or bone out. as scary as those dogs are the thought of exercising really puts me in a mood. i want to be healthy and a little bit smaller but DAMN it's hot out, too many bugs, i'm wearing the wrong shoes, what if i get kidnapped while i'm out there etc etc.
oh yes, i have the best excuses for not going on my walks.
but for some reason i'm able to muster up enough whatever it is and actually do some walking. as i plod along the dirt and gravel paths that make up this neighborhood, swatting kamikaze flies and mosquitos away from my mouth so i don't end up eating them, i pray.
not for peace on earth, good will towards man, sadly.
no, i pray for autopilot.
that mental space i get into after a certain point where i can't hear anything but my music and footsteps, can't tell that i'm sweating, don't notice that my feet are killing me, can't see anything but the path in front of me and the goal i set in my head.
sometimes i wonder if i should turn off the autopilot, if i should suffer through the pain and discomfort like the good little masochist that i am. but then...i realize how good i feel when i'm done. how...new i feel. like i can achieve something, like i DID achieve something. i may have cheated a bit but placing myself in a nearly mechanical state of mind, but i got it done. i figured out the trick.
figuring out just what it takes to get me there, get me anywhere, is amazing. i feel alot like i discovered myself, like i found they key and unlocked the secret of my own mind.
or maybe it's just the adrenaline talking.
1 week ago