in the middle

I am going to admit something.
This isn't a plea for pity, because that kind of crap just pisses me off.
Once you know, we can discuss it...you can ask me about it, but if you attempt to stage some sort of intervention I will cut you.

I have a problem with food.
It is food's fault that I'm not a thin-ish Hottie McHotster dancer anymore. Oh man, I was so hot.
But food man! Seriously!
I love it...I love to eat it, I love to make it. But I hate it at the same time. So sometimes I don't eat it. Hell, I could go a week without eating and I would be perfectly fine. In fact, fairly recently I was able to avoid food for about three days. It made me feel powerful, better, lighter, more in control...and then it almost made me pass out.
Stupidly stupid bad habit yes...I won't argue with you on that.

Realizing that it was so close to Thanksgiving freaked me out. I used to look forward to it, but the last few years it's been nervewracking for me. All that food that my family won't let me get away with not eating.

Two pressures, to eat and to not, both raging in my mind. Panic attack inducing, almost. I would normally just, not go...but seeing as how we're all thankful that great grandma made it through her surgery and is doing well there is no way that would fly.

I just feel so stuck in the middle.
I mean, like I said before...I love food, and Thanksgiving is pretty much the most kickass holiday next to Saint Patrick's Day (sorry but food has never beat alcohol for me, ever) but I know I'm going to go on a weird not eating kick and a hardcore working out kick and it's just...bah.

You know?