almost there and other short stories

almost there
so today i realized that it's about ten days until my expected due date.
i was going to go on leave tomorrow, but my boss managed to guilt trip me into staying another week. there's no real reason why i can't or shouldn't so things should be fine, although i have an odd feeling that i may go into labor at walmart...which will officially make me the most white trash person i know. unmarried, pregnant and working at walmart. not where i thought i'd be at 22 but i'm sure i'll get to where i'm headed (married college grad and mom with a stable career) eventually.

can't complain but will
things are going well right now, so much so that i am really having a hard time complaining about things.
well, except for my sciatica. and sore back. and knees. and ankles. and the random zit i woke up with this morning despite my well researched and carried out blemish erradiction plan. i'm 22 and i feel like i'm going to have zits my whole life. i did pretty good the past few weeks and now that i'm nearing the end of my pregnancy the little buggers just keep popping up.
they're never that bad and i'm not sure that anyone else notices them, but i do. i had started getting really excited about the prospect of being at the end of my teenager skin days but it seems like i have at least a few more months to go. maybe i should get a second job and devote the wages from said job to maintaining regular visits to the dermatologist. that sounds practical, right?

second mcjobberson
speaking of second jobs, andrew is thinking of getting one, for some reason. i told him he should just find a better first job, but that would just be too easy right?
walmart has been kind of good to both of us but really...we can't wait to find better things and move on. it really sucks working at the only store in town, especially if you're like me and are very nearly a shopaholic. i'm missing all the good deals because by the time my shift is over i can't wait to get away from the store! i wonder if that's a strong enough reason to sue for emotional damages.


all the small things
i don't know if our cat Juno is just big or if baby stuff is just really small, but she is too large for the sling carrier we bought for the baby last night. yes...we test all of our baby items on the cats first. give us a break, we don't have a tv yet.
i guess i never realized how small babies were until i got all the little clothes together in one place and saw that, folded up, 25 or more onesies only took up one shelf out of four.
all the diapers we have been gifted with, on the other hand, take up the other three shelves in that unit, plus two baskets and a couple of bags. i sincerely hope the kid stays in size one and two for a while because we're lacking any sizes higher than that. or...maybe they'll just poo alot. i heard that's what babies are best at!


mcnamersons, part deux
alright, so i know i said we were naming the kid like this:
zephyr rainbow robot, for a boy.
valentine willow moonstone, for a girl.

but...
our families have had really strong reactions to the names, and not in a positive way. while we generally do whatever we please and just figure everyone will settle into the idea later, we have taken their advice for the sake of our child who will eventually have to go to school and deal with the consequences of their name. the new names are:
gerhardt zephyr anderson, for a boy. gerhardt was andrew's grandpa on his mom's side, and he passed away about five (?) years ago. we were a little iffy on naming after family, and only time will tell if my grandpa gets mad that the baby isn't named after him.
alice valentine _______ , for a girl. i really like the name alice because it's simple and pretty, and sounds really good with valentine. i can just imagine her growing up to be a writer and using alice valentine as her pen name. i'm really stuck on two middle names because that's the number i have but we may just stick with one if i don't think of a good second middle name that will flow correctly.


...and that's the news.

andrew = the best ever

i had another doctor's appointment this morning, very early.
andrew stayed in the car and took a nap because he had to work later in the day, which was ok with me because he's really hell to be around when he hasn't gotten enough sleep.

anyway,
i was telling my doctor about a fainting spell i had at work sunday night which had me clocking out early and going back to the hospital after having just been there saturday afternoon, when he interrupted me by saying he "thought" that i'd be fine and that he "had no idea" why it happened. per usual, he said this while throwing my chart at me and running towards the door.
i guess since andrew wasn't there to intimidate him he felt no need to even pretend to listen to my problems.
this, of course made me upset. i was able to hold myself together until i got out of the building but as soon as i got into the car i burst into tears.

andrew, who had given up trying to sleep and was laying back listening to NPR, freaked out because he thought something was wrong with the baby. after i told him what happened he went from freaked out to completely pissed off. i asked him if he would go in and talk to the doctor for me, perhaps pursuade him to answer some questions i had, or possibly even get the name of a physician who could take care of my needs in his stead.
he was going to go by himself but i decided to go in just in case the doctor decided to take time and answer the questions i had been dwelling on for a week (the largest concern, oddly enough, was how soon after the birth would i be able to come in and have an IUD put in place). after being very kind and charming with the female nurses that seemed to restrict access to the doctor at all times, he was able to get us an exam room and a one on one meeting with the doc.

i just wonder how he does it. how does he get his way without having to resort to physical violence like i do?
he didn't yell at anyone. he didn't make any threats. he didn't have to pretend to be a badass (i say pretend because really, despite appearances, andrew is a very gentle and amiable person who would only fight as an absolute last resort).
he was just very straightforward and unafraid of displaying his concern for me and his child.

he was a "husband". he was a father.
he was seriously sexy in my opinion, and i feel really lucky that i am stuck with him.


but really...
i think he should have punched that doctor in the nads.

oh hai, i'm having a baby SOON

i am probably going on maternity leave a week early. i was going to take off on the first of november, but my doctors are telling me i'll probably have the baby before then.


i feel completely unprepared.
wish me luck.

late night blippity bloo blah

i really want to go on maternity leave RIGHT NOW but i have to wait two more weeks.
and i really want to have the baby TOMORROW but i have to wait for that too.
the two things i want the most right now and i can't has. (yes, i'm secretly a lolcat)

it seems like i've been doing alot of waiting lately.
my friend Jen just wrote a blog about waiting, and i think she's definitely better at it than i am. i've always been impatient, no matter what the circumstances. i mean, it isn't just a minor thing to me...when i want something right away it seems like the worst thing ever to happen to me if i can't have it. i'm soooooooo overly dramatic and always have been. i hope i grow out of that so i don't teach my child to be a drama queen.
well, i don't know...it's kind of cute when kids do it. but when someone is in their twenties and has been pulling the drama stuff since they were a kid, it gets a little old.

rawr...i want to have the baby as soon as possible. the longer it's in my body where i can't see it, the more time i spend on wikipedia looking up diseases/disorders and worrying that my child might have them. ALL of them.
and of course their phantom illnesses are my fault and i already feel really guilty for ruining their lives.


maybe i need to block wikipedia.



...and work.
seriously, i would almost be relieved if for some reason they fire me.
i don't know if it's just my hormones talking, or my general lack of sleep or what, but everytime i set foot into that fitting room i get really irritated and immediately want to go back home.
everytime someone asks me a question i want to punch them in the face, or cry.



i really think this pregnancy will be my last.
i can't imagine being this crazy again.

book recommendation from me

Hello To All That by John Falk.
i will put myself out there and say i thought it was amazing, but not in a very obvious way. and on a personal note, my love for this book is due in large to a few very simple passages in which he describes his feelings during his recurring bouts with depression.
in all of the blog posts and poems i wrote during and immediately after my worst depressions, i was never able to come as close as Falk does to accurately describing how i felt.


anyhoo...
it's the story of a guy who, in an attempt to "cure" himself of his crippling depression gets himself a press pass and takes off to Sarajevo to cover the war.

part of what i liked about it was that i could related to the author and the story in a way that i am not often able to while reading novels.

there are some plot holes, or rather, sketchy explanations that i couldn't quite figure out (like how he got his press pass, for example) but all in all it's a good read that isn't bogged down by overly florid filler.
so, if you're a fan of plain language as a means to tell a grand story, you'll probably like this book.