Wednesday, July 29, 2009

i want to grow up!

i don't feel like an adult.
there are so many things that i haven't done, that all my other friends have done. they are all graduating college and buying houses and cars and i'm doing nothing. just sitting around having cancer.
i know the cancer isn't my fault, but the other stuff is. i could have finished college but i was too lazy. i could get a car but i'm too afraid to take the driver's test and get my license, and my credit sucks because i got a credit card and didn't pay the balance.
sometimes i just feel so stupid and immature, i feel bad that zephyr has a mom like me, instead of a mom that is crazy motivated like i need to be in order to get us out of our stupid financial situation.
i've made so many mistakes and i'm trying to fix them, but it's so hard. i feel like my cancer is a wall that is stopping me from making the next step in my life. but that's probably just another excuse for being lazy.
i wish i could grow out of that, but i don't even know how to try.

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